bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
