Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
