I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
