Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
