Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
