I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
