I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
