That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
