is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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