nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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