omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
