if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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