when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
