where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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