No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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