Do you still have your period?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
