her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
