Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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