Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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