Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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