the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
