I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
