the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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