I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
