is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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