so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
