You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
