When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
