I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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