Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
