yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
