'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
