I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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