We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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