Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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