Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
