remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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