Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
