There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize