party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
