it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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