I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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