everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Shame - the story of my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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