chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
