I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
