Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
