Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
