I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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