words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
