Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
