I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
