Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Text me some of your sweat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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