It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Randomize
