That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
