Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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