If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize