that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
