This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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