so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
