Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
