i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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