1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
