My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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