I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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