We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
