I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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