Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
