Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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