she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Enjoy the penises
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
