I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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