It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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