I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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