So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
